Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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