This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
