is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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