you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
