So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
