I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
