"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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