last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
