PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
