dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
