i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
