clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
