i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
