This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
two words...techno handjob
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
