The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
