You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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