If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
