Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
