Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
