Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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