hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
