Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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