Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
