Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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