By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
