I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
