Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
