You're so nebulous sometimes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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