This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
