eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
