I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
