You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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