everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
