ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
