I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
