either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mom said you looked used
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm both gender and math confused
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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