i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
