Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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