how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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