dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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