how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
