Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
