My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
