i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize