I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
