just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
