if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
