last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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