Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
