i think my mom watched the whole time
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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