You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
